New parenting...

Is that a potato or your new baby? Honestly I can't tell.

People seem to be having babies all around me at the moment. Everywhere I go it feels like I’m wading through a field of newborns and nappies. The entrance to a family gathering is more congested with prams than the M25 at rush hour and the new parents look like they’ve stumbled out of a war zone, needing some kind of reassurance they will survive to the end of the day. The thing is…they’re not going to get it from me. Four kids down the line, I’m like an unsung hero who never received any kind of medal, or letter from the King. All I did was procreate and make it through thousands of the sleepless nights these folk are just settling in to.

This is the Sleep Deprivation Olympics and I’m a four time, gold medallist who has learned to nap in the strangest places (at a set of traffic lights or sitting on the loo) and for periods as short as 30 seconds.

Thoughts On Sleep - Co-Sleeping vs Sleep Training

A contentious issues in the world of owning children.

Co-sleeping

I have always co-slept with my children. Especially when they were tiny. All four of them have, at some point, commandeered my bed in a way that suggests they were trained in guerrilla warfare tactics. Sleep consultants wag their fingers and say this is a terrible idea—that I’m creating dependency. Perhaps. And there’s also the biblically old story of the parent who rolled over and smothered their child. If you drink half a bottle of whisky before bedtime then I’d say co-sleeping may not be the best option for you.

But, when it’s 3 a.m. and the choices are letting my child scream like a banshee in the next room or having them settle quietly beside me with their head resting peacefully in my armpit, I know which option results in marginally more sleep for me and far more satisfaction for my kid. Admittedly, that sleep may be punctuated by a small foot lodged in my spine, or a toenail attempting to free me of my manhood, but one learns to adapt. My threshold for comfort, like my standards for dining out, has plummeted significantly since becoming a parent.

Parenting is a minefield of opinions. Everyone is an expert and willing to offer their advice (whether you want it or not).

Sleep Training

I’ve always been against sleep training. I’ve tried it once or twice, but I just don’t believe it’s good for my child. It’s just my opinion.

This is how I view sleep training:  You’ve been locked in a pitch-black cave. It’s cold, creepy, and you’re pretty sure there are monsters lurking in the shadows, just waiting for you to let your guard down. Your heart's racing, your imagination is running wild. But hey, no worries, because you know there’s someone right outside the door. Maybe they’ll come to your rescue! Except... nope. They don’t.

Why? Because apparently, you need to “learn” that the cave is safe. Safe?! As if that noise you just heard wasn't a cave monster sharpening its claws. But they’ve decided you need to tough it out. You need to "self-soothe" because, you know, life lessons are so important before you can actually talk.

So, there you are, shrieking, while they sit comfortably outside, sipping tea, casually glancing at their watch like, "Any minute now, they’ll figure it out!" But, YOU DON’T. You get angrier, more desperate, wondering what the actual hell is happening. They’re just sitting there thinking, "This is for their own good. It builds character."

Eventually, you do stop screaming because you’ve exhausted yourself from the emotional rollercoaster that is Monster Cave Survival Camp. You’ve learned nothing except that the people you trust are running some kind of Tough Love Academy. You drift off to sleep, dreaming of sweet revenge or maybe just a night light.

And that is sleep training—for your baby, the unsuspecting cave dweller, who's wondering what they did to deserve this.

Like I said. Just my opinion.

Don’t get me started on formula!

If you are having problems with your new baby not sleeping please feel free to contact me at www.balanceacupuncturelondon.com - one of my specialities is working with newborns and helping them settle.

Please share this widely with friends, family and loved one who you think might appreciate Barefoot Savage and HELP ME GROW IT.

I’d love it if you upgraded to a paid subscription (£6 a month) which will give you access to the full archive (as I grow it) and allow me to dedicate more time to writing.